I couldn’t even come up with a good title for this post. Too many thoughts and emotions.
First, thank you all for your many prayers, texts and calls. As I’ve said before, I don’t think as a married couple there has ever been a time where we could feel the prayers, love and support that we had during this journey. Amazing and beautiful. Thank you for your reminders to be excited and to trust God and that He knew from before the foundation of the world exactly how this story will play out.
So while we had an amazing amount of support and we had a peace we knew was only from God…we are still human. If that trip to College Station became any longer, I was pretty sure I would either die from lack of being able to breathe or I was going to poop my self or throw up. Yes folks, you get the good bad and ugly. Thankfully, I didn’t do any of the aforementioned. I knew God had this. I knew once we got started I would be fine. I love meeting new people and getting to know them. I’m not one who shies away from a conversation. But this was a whole new deal. I was about to meet a woman who was considering placing her child in our family. Kind of a big deal.
To back up, the caseworker (who works with the birthmoms, Ms. K) called at 6:45 on Monday morning. As I hear Slade talking I start to think, “Ok. The meeting has been cancelled. This is it. It’s over. It’s going to be ok, God. You knew this.” Then I heard Slade say, “Yes, Wyatt is coming.” I heard IS. Not WAS, but IS. One sigh of relief. They wanted to make sure that Wyatt was coming because he was a big part in her decision to meet us. They said when she said our LifeBook, there was “just something about Wyatt that drew her in” and she thought he would make a good big brother. Melt my heart. Thank you God for giving Wyatt such a neat part in this story. Jokingly on the way (Wyatt had headphones on watching a movie) I told Slade, if she doesn’t pick us…I’m blaming Wyatt.
There are so many details to our day but the important thing is that we met her and as we knew He would, God really guided our conversation and comforted our hearts. She is a really neat lady with a great personality. She was funny and easy to talk to. She’s in a situation where she knows that she can’t take care of this baby like she would like to and as he needs. We talked through concerns and fears we both had. We were able to meet her other children and had the most precious conversation with her oldest daughter who was having a hard time with her mom’s decision to place the baby. We spent a beautiful afternoon at the park watching the kids playing together and feeding ducks. She is a brave woman who truly feels that placing this baby with us is the best decision. She told me, “I’m actually excited about the adoption. I know he is going to a great family.” Words I will treasure and cherish forever.
We thought going into Monday that we would leave feeling like it either went well or it didn’t. We thought that even if it went well we would leave just wondering how she really felt. We were blown away by her confidence to place this baby and to place him with us.
When we parted, the caseworkers told us to take at least 24 hours to talk about it, think about it and pray about it. Slade and I were ready to scream “YES!” right there. But APO is so good at what they do and realize that emotions are high and you need time to really think and process. We left feeling really good about it and feeling confident she would also say ‘yes.’
We were worn out after the day. Thankfully Slade and I each have cousins who live in CS. They both met up with us at Rosa’s, of course. What better way to end the day?!
It’s funny how quick Satan tries to get in your head. I knew he would but I didn’t realize how fast it would be. We had had an AMAZING day with so many reassurances from the mom. It’s a two hour trip home and already I began thinking, “I think it went well, but maybe we perceived it wrong. What if she was just being nice? What if she really didn’t like us?”
I slept a little more than I did Sunday night, but not much more.
So, Tuesday we were supposed to call our caseworker (Mr. D) and let him know how we felt about moving forward. Couldn’t exactly wait 24 hours so Slade texted Don and told him YES! and that he would call between meetings at work if need be. We were able to debrief with APO a bit after the meeting so they knew where we stood and our excitement.
I didn’t think I would be that worried if we didn’t hear from the birthmom right away because of how well the meeting went. But as the day drug on with no response I began again to worry and doubt. Ms. K was working with another birthmom out of town all day but said she would contact our birthmom if she hadn’t heard from her by the afternoon. At 5pm, I said, “Should I be worried?” Ms. K said I am texting her now. And at about 5:30pm I got a text that said, “She’s all in!!!!”
Now of course, nothing is a done deal until 48 hours after he is born. At any point between now and then she can change her mind–tomorrow, after he is born. So we still have a ways to go. We do feel really good about her going through with her decision to place.
She and I had a great moment alone where I was able to let her know that we were going to support her decision no matter what. If she woke up tomorrow and decided we weren’t the right family or after he was born she decided she couldn’t place him but needed to keep him, she has our support in her decision. She was grateful but again said, “I know this is what’s best. I know he is going to a great family.”
So, please keep praying with us. Pray for her and and her precious children. Pray for our hearts to trust in God’s will and to think on what we know is true and not let Satan get a foothold. I still don’t have much of an appetite and can’t seem to stop my mind from racing at night.
Many have asked about Wyatt. We didn’t even try to prep him as far as his behavior went on Monday. We didn’t want him to feel pressured…and we knew it wouldn’t work anyway. Prior to the meeting God was using him to keep us grounded. When asked about the meeting he would say, “We are going to meet a birth mom to see if this is the baby for us.” Hilarious, that “birth mom” is in our 5 year old’s vocabulary. If I asked him prior to the meeting if he was excited about getting a baby brother he would say, “IF mom, IF we I get a brother.” He was his normal silly self and took it all in stride. Said his hellos and then got to playing. My favorite was watching her oldest and Wyatt introduce themselves. She told him her name and he said, “Hi! I’m Wyatt. Wanna go play tag?” And off they ran. He was excited when we let him know yesterday that she really liked us and wanted to move forward. We know he is going to be a great big brother as well.
Oh and by the way, I haven’t even told you. He’s due January 12th and he’s going to add a little color to our lives. We are BEYOND excited and thrilled and FULL!
Keep coming back. I will keep you posted.